<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Comfort by EternalLamb</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29510571">Comfort</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalLamb/pseuds/EternalLamb'>EternalLamb</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Criminal Minds (US TV) Season/Series 05, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Non-Binary OC, Non-binary Reader - Freeform, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Trans Character, criminal minds - Freeform, hand holding, is it gender envy or is it attraction, season 3-5 spencer, trans-masc, who knows - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:40:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29510571</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalLamb/pseuds/EternalLamb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Written in second person but as a non-binary (afab) OC. Reader is a medical examiner with the FBI, they get called in for cases with the BAU enough to build relationships with the team. Reader has PTSD and some cases are worse than others, Spencer Reid picks up on these differences and wants to help out, also romantic tension.<br/>Technically 'uncompleted' because I might add more chapters but the first is a stand alone, don't worry.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spencer Reid/Original Character(s), Spencer Reid/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Comfort</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Pretext: Reader and Spencer live in adjacent apartments (both found it 'in cannon' by mapping the metro system while staying within a radius of Quantico). Reader plays piano to cope.<br/>Speech key:<br/>S: 'Text' -Spencer's speech<br/>Y: 'Text' -Insert's speech<br/>Formatted this way because the inserts referred name is Rose to avoid confusion and hopefully help immersion (Y for 'you') despite this absolutely being a self indulgent self insert.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>S: ‘You ok?’<br/>
His voice pierces the fog laying heavily on your mind and clouding your vision. You had been cooped up in your own head for who knows how long now, you hadn’t even noticed doctor Reid come through your door. You take a sharp breath and close the case file you had been doing your documentation for. It was a brutal case, much like every case the BAU sends your way, but this one hit a personal chord, you’ll have some refractory time before you’re entirely back to 100%. You turn to him and say</p><p>Y: ‘Yeah...I’m-’<br/>
The words catch in your throat for a moment, knowing any profiler selected for the FBI will read such a blatant lie.<br/>
Y: ‘I’ll be fine.’<br/>
You settle on, knowing this to be true but continue to avoid eye contact. </p><p>S: ‘I-I’ve noticed when you come onto cases like this with m-us your affect changes and afterwards you become...withdrawn for a time… i-if you don’t want to work with us I-’<br/>
You nearly flinch at the idea and reflexively stand to oppose the notion. You don’t get many cases from the BAU but after having spent some time with them they’ve come to mean a lot to you. They’re one of the best teams in the FBI that you’ve ever worked with, driven, passionate and damn good at what they do. The first time working with them it felt as though you had finally found a group of people just as determined to do the very best job they could as opposed to the pencil pushers ‘just trying to get the job done’. One of your hands balls into a fist and the other rises to meet it applying pressure and motion, a physical distraction. </p><p>Y: ‘If I didn’t want to work with you I wouldn’t accept the case.’<br/>
You state plainly, flashing your eyes to meet Reid’s, his eyes are begging to see your face as he stands a little over a head taller than you even in his flat soled sneakers. His hands fidget in his pockets playing with the keys he preemptively checked out, you can almost hear his mind working on what is best to say in this set of circumstances. You take a deep breath, a step forward and the initiative for a moment. </p><p>Y: ‘Could-could you give me a ride back today? If you’re going straight home that is. I don’t want to impose or-or get in the way I-’<br/>
Reid’s soft chuckle stops your rambling. </p><p>S: ‘You live literally right next door, It’s never a problem Rose.’<br/>
He brings his hand out of his pocket and grazes your arm with the tips of his fingers. Even through your shirt the contact ignites your nerves, melting away the numbing buzz of anxiety a little.<br/>
S: ‘You didn’t come up to see us when you’d normally clock out so I wanted to come check on you...you help take care of us so let us...let me return the favor.’<br/>
You force your eyes up to make eye contact, meeting his and see the soft smile on his face. He takes this as an invitation to move closer, putting his back to your desk and leaning against it.</p><p>S: ‘I know your documentation can take even longer than ours, I can wait here for you to finish if you-’<br/>
He stops, watching you pick up the coat to your suit from the back of your chair, taking the que he stands and makes his way to the elevator doors. </p><p>Y: ‘It’s fine, I’ve completed most of the paperwork, I’m off tomorrow and can leave the rest for my assistant.’<br/>
You say on your way out the door, flicking the lights off you can finally leave the morgue for a little while physically which should help the mental separation as well. Reid calls the elevator and the doors open immediately from his trip down, the two of you step in and you press the button for the ground floor. The elevator always takes a little longer to get going from your basement floor. Just being in the same room with doctor Reid helps put you at ease. He’s not the biggest agent but he’s quick to action and protective of people he’s close to. He’s been the first to speak up about your role and location assignment on the very few occasions you’ve had to fly with the BAU team to an unfamiliar location. You work most closely with Reid, his memory proving immensely useful and honestly entertaining. He picks up on most of the information the bodies can provide but your expertise is sometimes needed. The way he vocalises his mental process puts your own mind into a different rhythm, the two of you bounce off of eachother, making the building of victimology and geographical profiles go that much faster and be that much more thorough. Plus the native coroner or medical examiner doesn’t mind signing over the paperwork to the FBI. You are always collaborating with other FBI units but none care as much for their own people as the BAU. </p><p>Y: ‘Hey, uh, thanks for coming to check on me Dr. Reid. No one has ever shown genuine concern before, especially after hours.’</p><p>S: ‘You can tell? When it’s genuine.’</p><p>Y: ‘Yeah, can’t you?’</p><p>S: ‘Of course but I’m a profiler and you’re-’</p><p>Y: ‘Just because the ones I see are already dead when they come in doesn’t mean I can’t read people Dr. Reid.’<br/>
The elevator rang, and the doors opened. Spencer looks back and forth between you and the door, clearly wanting to say more, maybe apologize but elevator doors only stay open so long, you initiated this conversation alone with him leading him to assume it wouldn’t be appropriate in public it felt...personal. It was already late, even for an FBI office, most people had gone home and yet you scan the room eyeing who was left as well as the doors. You’re used to this level of hypervigilance that comes with your past, at least it only happens when you get really worked up now rather than every day. You can feel Reid’s eyes on you, but suddenly his hand takes yours. The unexpected sensation darts your eyes to the contact, unable to look away you watch the ground change from the neutral carpet of the building to the sidewalk to pavement under your hands. As you realize the two of you are in the parking garage and close to the car you squeeze Dr. Reid’s hand, not wanting to let go. He returns your gesture by rubbing the back of your hand with his thumb, this small action makes your heart flutter. The feelings rising brings your other hand to the back of your head, messing up your hair trying to shake the thoughts out of your head.<br/>
Finally tossing yourself into the passenger seat you quickly buckle the seatbelt and begin tugging at the bow tie and collar around your neck with shaking hands. Spencer’s eyebrows raise, eyeing you with keys in the ignition but not starting the car. You feel his gaze without meeting it and don’t stop your actions until the tie is undone along with the top three buttons of your shirt. With your task complete you lean back in the seat, take a deep breath and run your fingers all the way through your hair from front to back. </p><p>S: ‘Does the morgue have a uniform or something?’<br/>
He asks with a nervous chuckle finally starting the car. A smile briefly finds a way across your face and Reid visibly relaxes. </p><p>Y: ‘No...I just...felt a little claustrophobic today is all.’</p><p>S: ‘Claustrophobia usually manifests in confined spaces like elevators or small bathrooms rather than um...in your own clothes.’</p><p>Y: ‘I heard you have an eidetic memory Doctor Reid’</p><p>S: ‘I do, yes, I don’t see-’</p><p>Y: ‘How do you deal with what you see come across your desk at the BAU...how do you cope.’<br/>
It was more of a statement than a question, it hung in the air between the two of you. </p><p>S: ‘I uh...to be honest I never get used to it. Some cases are worse than others but they all...they all stick to you in one way or another you know?’</p><p>Y: ‘Yeah...I know.’<br/>
The flash of his amber eyes meeting yours is comforting with the current topic of conversation. Despite all he’s seen and been through there’s still a deep level of empathy retained in the fabric of Doctor Spencer Reid. He made it easy for honesty to just slip out of you. You don’t usually share much about yourself and prefer to let others talk but this man at least made it seem like he hung onto every stray word from your mouth. </p><p>Y: ‘Sometimes getting them once they’re already gone is the most frustrating part of my job, sometimes I assure them what’s been done is over, they’ll never be hurt again and every other word of comfort that I can provide but none of it is actually for them, it’s all for me.’</p><p>S: ‘Transference can be a healthy coping mechanism with therapeutic effects...I um...I’m sorry you relate that much to the victims…transference can go too far.’<br/>
You take a deep breath, focusing on the emblem pressed into the dash in front of you. A twinge of regret flickers in your chest before quickly fizzling out. No matter how hard you breath your emotions can’t get enough oxygen to burn off properly right now. </p><p>Y:’You don’t have to worry about me Doctor Reid, you have more than enough on your own plate. I get by ok.’<br/>
A half truth should be good enough for tonight, it rolls off of your tongue before you could catch it and rearrange it for the profiler next to you. His lips fold in on themselves leaving just a thin line while his brow furrows. Reid turns the steering wheel with one hand, pulling into the parking lot for the apartment building you share. He parks the car and shuts off the engine but makes no move to leave his seat. You eye him, hand reflexively gripping the car door release.</p><p>S:‘I don’t have to worry about you but I do and I’m particularly worried about you tonight.’<br/>
Your grip on the door loosens, he wouldn’t look at you as he said it but now he is fixed on you, his whole upper body turned toward you. Reid gives you plenty of time to respond but so many words tried to come up at once they all got caught in your throat, letting none of them through.</p><p>S:’I don’t know exactly what you’re feeling each time there’s a case like this and I don’t want you to think of me like we think of Hotch when he forces evaluations on us after something happens but...I know your hands have significant tremors and you feel like you’re suffocating and despite the late hour you’ve said nothing about sleep and shown no signs of the metabolic slow down associated with it. You asked me for a ride even though we’ve taken the metro together before so I know you’ve taken it alone too so you’re certainly not feeling safe alone.’<br/>
Despite the scrutiny Reid rambling on like normal forces a smile onto your face. A wave of relief crashes over you, this is just how this man is. He can’t read your mind but his ability to read everything else along with his blunt nature simply makes communicating easier. You play with the satin bowtie in your hands, a nice kinetic distraction from the swelling nerves. You bite your bottom lip and look Reid in his eyes. It’s your turn now.</p><p>Y:’You’re right Spencer, I don’t feel safe alone and I don’t feel as safe with anyone else as I do with you. The wall we share at these apartments give me peace of mind. I’m not tired because the thought of sleep terrifies me, the sun will be up in a few hours anyway, I just need to stay up a little longer.’<br/>
Reid’s eyebrows knot further with your words, he nods slightly but swallows hard, you notice his adam’s apple bob. He quickly shifts, takes the keys out, removes his seatbelt and gets out of the car only pausing to check you’re following suit. You follow close behind him, as you take the first few steps up and out of the parking lot the car chirps behind you. You jump and reach out, grabbing Reid’s wrist, his hands buried in his pockets with the keys to the car. </p><p>Y:’Sor-’<br/>
Rather than pull away Spencer took his hand from his pocket and held it back for you, allowing your grip and inviting further contact. You take the chance, sliding your hand down intertwining your fingers with his. He quickly returns the gesture, tightening his grip on you once more. As the two of you approach your side-by-side apartment doors he abruptly stops, allowing you to take a few steps in front of him as you retrieve your keys. You look back to him questioning silently.</p><p>S:’Would you like to spend the night in my apartment?’<br/>
Your heart flutters into your throat. He’s made some logical jumps that you can’t follow or work out, your eyes dart around in thought coming back to Spencer Reid’s form in front of you each time. </p><p>R:’If sharing a wall gives you peace of mind, would doing away with it maybe help even more? I have black out curtains so-so if you feel comfortable enough to sleep you could I-.’</p><p>	He takes a sheepish step forward, taking out his own keys, unlocks his door and opens it fully, for you. You search his face for deceit and find nothing but honesty. </p><p>Y:’Are you sure?’</p><p>S:’I’ve actually considered it for a while now.’</p><p>Y:’A while?’</p><p>S:’Since the case 2 months and 12 days ago, you’ve been playing a lot more since then.’</p><p>Y:’If it bothers you I can-’</p><p>S:’No. Since then you’ve been pent up...stiff, I’ve noticed the change in your affect around me for quite some time and I just wanted to help alleviate your tension.’<br/>
Something clicks in your mind. He wants to be a ‘distraction’ for you, when he brought up your playing his jaw clenched for a moment, maybe he was jealous of the attention you were paying your piano. You tentatively take a step forward into Spencer’s apartment. You’re aware that the two have the same layout only mirrored, the only difference between the two would be how you furnished them. You walk into the middle of the living space, there’s a coffee table surrounded by 2 chairs and a sofa that looks out of place by contrast. The walls are crowded with shelves stuffed with books. You try to take in your surroundings but a nagging question eats away at you.</p><p>Y: ‘If you’ve been considering this for months...why ask tonight?’</p><p>S:’You called me Spencer tonight.’</p><p>	Heat creeps up your face, your eyes widening realizing what you’ve done without thinking. Your thoughts freeze in place as though atop a roller coaster just before a vast plunge. He is turned away from you, closing and locking the door.</p><p>S:’You always refer to your co-workers at least by their last name and almost never without their title or honorific. It’s like a wall you keep and maintain’</p><p>	He turns toward you, a soft smile graces his face as he lets out a soft and breathy chuckle. </p><p>S:’I couldn’t even be sure you knew my first name despite our closeness.’</p><p>	You swallow hard, maybe you can get your heart back into your chest where it belongs. Your hand twitches, the solitude is almost painful in this moment. You could never know how much this moment may affect him as well. When his eyes finally met yours again surprise quickly swept over his features, not expecting your reaction, your eyes and body language clearly giving away the feelings you’ve kept dammed for so long. </p><p>S:’The uh-the couch pulls out, the curtains out here aren’t as solid so if you want you can take my bed and I could-’</p><p>	Taking the offered escape you turn and adjust the couch flat. Reid quickly walks past you into his bedroom. You hear him fumbling in the darkness. He emerges with a blanket and pillow, he joins you at the pull-out and dresses the makeshift bed. He’s meticulous in his work and seems to make a point of brushing against you but doesn’t ask you to move. With each touch your body language opens up a little more. When he’s done he straightens up, just a little too close, clearly intentional but the reality of it brings a tint of pink to his cheeks. He brings a hand up to your arm.</p><p>S:’Rose, if you need anything at all, absolutely anything don’t hesitate to ask.’</p><p>	You lean into his touch the warmth and care in his tone melt away another layer of nerves and you feel something like a snap. Exhaustion fills your body from the point of contact, it’s been days since you’ve properly slept, the case is finally over, you’re finally away from work and you feel at home. You smile. </p><p>S:’There you are..’</p><p>	Spencer’s hand slowly finds its way up to your shoulder, there’s hesitation in the movement, as if he’s asking permission. You choke out a chuckle, of course he has it. You lead his hand with your own to your face and push solidly into his touch. </p><p>S:’I’d like to sit out here with you tonight.’</p><p>	Another snap and a tear rolls down your cheek. He quickly catches it with his free hand, cradling your face as if you might disappear if he doesn’t hold you. You know what he said was a statement but it sounded like a question. You nod in his hands, taking his wrists in yours to regretfully pull them away, you’re just so tired. You drop down onto the pull-out couch and hungrily grab fistfuls of blanket, quickly unmaking the pristine edges Spencer had used as an excuse. You fully cocoon yourself in the blanket, keeping some balled in a fist by your face. It smells like him. Each inhale brings your closer to a welcoming darkness of sleep. Spencer walks past you, brushing what he assumes to be your arm with his fingertips. You watch as he stops in front of a particular book shelf and lazily sways, thinking but not clearly looking through his books. He makes his choice, delicately plucks it from the shelf and sits in the chair near you. He opens the book but eyes you instead.</p><p>S:’You look comfortable.’</p><p>	A proud smile forms on his lips. You hum your appreciation, enough of a response for Spencer to settle into his book. You quickly drift off to the sound of turning pages.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Might be a one off, might be a collection of one off's. I don't think I'm going to follow a strict timeline as I've done before. How was it? Too many hand descriptions yes/no?<br/>I'd like to mess around with some smut since there's not a lot out there for enby's.<br/>NSFW off shoot chapter: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30066591</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>